Welcome to the PPC Zodiac. This is your guide to the stars and their celestial effects on your everyday choices in paid search and what tools you should be using for optimal PPC domination. From an early age, I was blessed with knowledge of PPC Astrology, which was an utterly useless talent to possess until today. Let me explain how something as ordinary as your birthday guides your every professional paid search decisions.
Taurus: April 20 – May 20
Do you have at least one colleague that you are having a bitter disagreement with about differing views on account strategy? Is this a feud that has been going on for more than 3 weeks and a dispute with which you will never. Back. Down. Then you are a true Taurus Bull. Congratulations, you have alienated that one very clearly wrong person in your office but otherwise, people regard you as a paragon of patience, strength, and generosity. When your office needs someone to guide the newest employee in the ways of paid search, they come to you to absorb your calm aura and depth of knowledge. But don’t get it twisted as everyone is afraid of confronting you about your account structure.
PPC Tool of Choice
You never tire of endless options and Customer Match is the perfect tool for your determined spirit. You will never grow tired of pursuing that conversion and if you can follow a user to the ends of the Earth, so be it. Using a customer email list to follow users to Gmail, YouTube and Google Search in a relentless chase of the conversion takes you to your happy place, with a baby wallaby on a Greek Island.
Gemini: May 21 – June 20
Twins have always scared me. Twins born under the Gemini sign are even more frightening and should be avoided at all cost. Maybe it is because I watched The Shining one too many times. If you are a Gemini or a twin, please don’t haunt my dreams. In the PPC world, the Gemini is the epitome of duality and as such, you will always exhaust yourself trying to maintain the extremes of the PPC spectrum.
PPC Tool of Choice
Yahoo Gemini of course. As a twin, you appreciate Yahoo’s efforts to break away from Bing and be its own entity. Be free Yahoo and do your own thing.
Cancer: June 21 – July 22
The PPC Zodiac Crab is a deeply loyal sign and you are easily the most steadfast traditional strategist of your PPC clique. This is partially because you have a loyalty to the old guard of paid search – Google and Bing. There are so many options and layers to the Search Network, why would you believe the hype about the end of long tailed keyword? There is comfort in using the platform that has the history of success. In fact, you crave stability so much your office nickname is “The Rock.” It is also your nickname because you keep giving your coworkers the “People’s Elbow.”
PPC Tool of Choice
Endless optimism and devotion mean that you will never give up on a trusted source and this is why Bing and Google are your go-to platforms. You trust that Google and Bing will not steer you wrong! You see the hidden potential in your good friends and they are getting better with each new iteration. Now if you could just stop raising your eyebrow at people and asking them if they know what you are cookin’.
Leo: July 23 – August 22
Have you wondered, which is the craziest sign in the PPC Zodiac? It is obviously the Leo and if you are a Leo and think this doesn’t apply to you, you should ask a friend to give you an honest opinion. You might be outrageous and not even know it! Have you ever tried to sneak a picture of a pug into your Display ads, just to see what would happen to your CTR? You scare your boss with all your hairpin turns, but you always manage to pull off big wins with grand dramatic flourish. But maybe you could throw a few predictable initiatives in your strategy roadmap, just so your boss doesn’t have to consume so many Tums today.
PPC Tool of Choice
Reddit of course! It’s the new frontier of paid search and in between trying to monetize this rolling sea of crazy ranting, you get to post to your favorite subreddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/grilledcheese
Virgo: August 23 – September 22
People say they are perfectionists, but their game is so weak. They don’t know a thing about over-analyzing and perhaps you could teach them your ways, but they couldn’t handle your hypercritical eye. While Leo is posting about grilled cheese on Reddit, you are rewriting ad copy for the 5th time. You know, just in case. People think they want your work ethic, but they couldn’t afford the cost of highlighters and post-it notes.
PPC Tool of Choice
When you need to find some tranquility in the ambiguous world of PPC, Google Keyword Planner helps you find your Zen. It can make sense that you spend a lot of time with a tool that is dedicated to endless lists of word possibilities. You learned a long time ago that working with the negatives can make for a better picture. Yes, that is a Drake quote. #yolo.
Libra: September 23 – October 22
The symbol for Libra is the scales because you are constantly searching for harmony and balance. When you set up new campaigns, you prefer to use a shared budget to make things super fair for all your ads. You are so into equality, it is really too bad your coworkers find it funny to shave the left corner peg of your desk 1/5th of an inch each week just to mess with you. Once you have finished filing down the other legs of the desk, you should probably talk to HR about that.
PPC Tool of Choice
In a tireless pursuit of balance, you are really into constantly fidgeting with your bids to reach that perfectly balanced Nirvana. When you discovered Real Time Position Bidding Scripts, all you could hear is Mariah Carey singing: “we belong together.” Pop some popcorn, sit back and watch those bids get tweaked to perfection.
Scorpio: October 23 – November 21
Scorpios are big and bold and ready to live the life! Your titular spirit animal is Hank Scorpio from The Simpsons because he is a megalomaniac with a heart of gold. Your PPC strategies are as expansive as the dreams of a misguided millennial. In other words, you are aiming for the stars! You have a little bit of action happening in all the platforms available and it intimidates everyone around you. Haters gonna hate, you just keep doin’ you boo.
PPC Tool of Choice
If you want to be everywhere, that means you have to know what is new and hot in the world and that is why Google Trends is your favorite tool. As soon as you find a trending topic, you are first to write new ad copy to incorporate “Damn Daniel” into your headline.
Sagittarius: November 22 – December 21
There isn’t an adventure you haven’t tried to scale with your bare hands. Your blood, sweat, and tears are strewn all over the office. Maybe you should bring a headband to work to keep things clean? Or, at least, mop up your workspace at the end of the day. You refuse to be told that something can’t be done, and this is why most people just back up and watch your PPC storm touch down. It’s a good thing that out of your chaos, a beautiful PPC rainbow is born.
PPC Tool of Choice
Facebook’s algorithms make most of your peers want to cry with frustration but you dig the ambiguity and thrive with the mysterious challenge. A tip of the hat to Mark Zuckerberg for giving you a challenge worthy of your time, just do your desk neighbor a favor and bring a towel for your tears of struggle.
Aquarius: January 20 – February 18
You are such a hippie. Don’t even try to hide your bohemian tendencies. Your Birkenstock sandals are offensive to your family, your boss, and your coworkers but you’ve got to be comfortable while you walk your unconventional path in life. There has been more than one occasion when you said to yourself, “what would Willie Nelson do?” Unfortunately, Willie doesn’t offer you very good advice about PPC and instead you seek advice from all your favorite paid search bloggers, podcasts and a network of eclectic experts to keep your mind sharp.
PPC Tool of Choice
You know how to bend spoons with the power of your mind and that is why Remarketing Lists for Search Ads (RLSA) appeals to you. With some subliminal messaging and frequency, you can control the minds of your customers and get them to come back and convert. Besides, you really connect with the philosophy of RLSA. It’s all about coming back to where you started, connecting businesses and people and guiding their inevitable destinies. Dude, that is deep.
Pisces: February 19 – March 20
Some might make the joke about Pisces being the cold fish of the PPC world, but nothing could be further from the truth. You feel things so intensely about your account, the highs are astronomical and the lows are crushing. You cried when Google got rid of the sidebar ads. You cried when Facebook bought Instagram. You cried when Miss Piggy and Kermit broke up, but then again, didn’t we all cry tears for Team PigMit?
PPC Tool of Choice
CRO heatmaps are your favorite source of insights because you can find out exactly where that customer lost interest. When did they decide to leave you? Why wasn’t the site enough? Why doesn’t that user love you… er, I mean, the site anymore? Dry those eyes and know that you deserve a conversion from a user that will treat you right.
Aries: March 21 – April 19
As the Ram of the zodiac system, you cannot wait to debate the merits of your overly ambitious plans and those around you should watch out, as you ram your way through the typical cries for caution and restraint. “Why wait”, shout the passionate Aries PPC expert that you are! You spend your time cruising the latest Analytics report for hidden insights as you consume the largest cup of coffee that the FDA will allow for sale to the public. You have no time to explain your inventive plans. You are moving too fast for the rest of us to keep up. You know, and I know, that everyone should just get out of your way.
PPC Tool of Choice
Layers upon layers of remarketing audiences give you a thrill that no rollercoaster or John Stamos Oikos commercial could ever recreate. Multi-layering audiences offer all the creative planning that you crave and just enough potential for dissension that will allow you to get into a heated PPC battle with anyone that disagrees.
